I’ve never had patience. Nope. I always wanted things to happen quickly, at that moment. The only time I really practiced patience was during my years playing percussion. I had the patience to practice my music 10 hours a day. Over and over and over again. But outside of practicing and music, I had no patience.
As a new Mom, I really had no patience. I use to think if only I can have patience.
I’m at a time in my life where I have caved in. I “got” patience. It started about a year ago. It was when Dan decided to leave his job. And six weeks later, someone wanted to buy our house. And it didn’t even have a For Sale sign in front. And Leila was just a newborn. And I found patience and humor.
And patience has stayed with me. It’s wonderful. Really wonderful. It’s not about being lazy, it’s about letting things unfold.
I have patience while watching my children. One morning Zac insisted he was going to buckle himself into the car seat. We were late for drop off, but he was going to do it himself and while the older twins panicked, I watched him proudly coordinate the movements and the buckle went in.
I have patience making cigfy chocolates, as I move slowly and with dedication through the process and the end product.
I have patience as a student, Herbalism is not to be learned in a 200-300 hours intensive workshop. Herbalism is a craft, an art, a science.
Now I have a new challenge. It is when other people are not patient. It’s my new peer pressure. I only lose patience when someone mentions that maybe I should. When I see others moving faster than me then a panic overcomes. Am I too patient? I started to give into it over the weekend. And I was so overwhelmed by outside and inside voices that I wanted to lose my patience with everything, my children and husband, my chocolates, my studies. But, as I mentioned in not these exact words to my Mom, “How can I not be patient? I have this feeling that everything really is ok, I can’t say why, I can’t prove it. But I can’t pretend it’s not there. I know I just need to be patient.”
And I’m feeling much calmer again. And my equipment has been fixed and an order came in so I can share my chocolates to many friends next week. And I read books and take quizzes. And I watch Leila try to put on a shoe, which can take a looong time. But her smile is worth it.